Jul 2014
Kassaundra Hartley

Why I don’t need a boyfriend right now.

(Warning rant to ensue)


It started out with a simple Google search.  I meant to see why others say they don’t have/need a boyfriend at this time in their lives.  (Early 20s/postgrads) Instead I was bombarded with links to see why I don’t have a boyfriend and what is wrong with me and tips to getting one.

After 4 years of being single I still don’t feel that need to go out and “get” a boyfriend.  Sure I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship, but I don’t need one to survive.  This is coming from a girl who couldn’t go more than 2 weeks in high school without having a boyfriend.

I made the choice when I went off to college that I was done holding things back.  I was done hiding behind some label I was given in the third grade.  I wasn’t going to let what was going on at home or who I was back in small town Nebraska define me any longer.  I wanted to start over so I made the decision that no matter how much I liked a boy I wasn’t going to go into college dating someone.  I wasn’t worried that the boyfriend would be jealous, I just didn’t want that tiny voice in the back of my mind second guessing me when I smiled at a boy in a class.

Best decision ever.

I am the type of girl who has more guy friends than girl friends simply because 90% of the time I can’t relate.  I would rather drink a Coors Light than a tequila sunrise and I love to shoot Jack D shots over Rumchata.  (Mix the two though, and hot damn.)  I choose ESPN over TLC and would rather go mudding than get a pedicure at the spa.  Yeah I guess I am a bit of a tomboy.

Within the first week I had met my best friend of four years, a boy, and I wonder if I even would’ve talked to him if I had a boyfriend at the time.  More than likely I would’ve walked right past him glued to my phone to make sure I wasn’t missing an ever-important text from the bf.

So here I am four years later and still single as a dollar bill.  Sure I have had my flings throughout the past four years but I never felt that “need” to have a boyfriend.  Call me miss independent but I didn’t need a boy to define myself anymore.  Sure I get lonely and wish I had someone to curl up and watch five episodes of Graceland with but I don’t find myself trying to “fetch” a man as my friends say.

I am at the point in my life where it is the perfect time to not have anyone tie me down.  I am not resentful to anyone my age getting married or in a serious relationship, in fact I am happy that they are happy and are living life their way.   But please don’t pity me because I am single and don’t have a marriage on the docket for the foreseeable future and keep trying to set me up with your single guy friends.

I don’t want to worry about if my job will move me away from a guy or if I am working too much and not spending enough time on him.  I don’t want to worry about designating a night a weekend to my boyfriend instead of just seeing where the night takes me.

Most importantly I don’t want to/don’t have time to deal with having a boyfriend.  A boyfriend shouldn’t feel like a job or a project with timelines and boxes to check off.  I honestly don’t have time for one.  Maybe I have commitment issues or maybe I am damaged goods but at this point in time if he isn’t available between 11 at night and 6 in the morning then nothing is going to happen.

I don’t want to be a burden to him and he shouldn’t feel like a burden to me.